


Kay2 has Entered Chat

by GoLBPodfics (GodOfLaundryBaskets), litra, oakleaf



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Fix-It, Gen, Podfic & Podficced Works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26006056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodOfLaundryBaskets/pseuds/GoLBPodfics, https://archiveofourown.org/users/litra/pseuds/litra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/oakleaf/pseuds/oakleaf
Summary: The Bots of the resistance have a chat group.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 34
Collections: Pod_Together 2020





	Kay2 has Entered Chat

**Author's Note:**

> In the case you want to watch this fic instead of listening to/reading it, there's an animated version! You can watch it [here](https://justoakleaf.github.io/kay2-has-entered-chat/index.html), and if you want to read the source code, you can find it [on Github](https://github.com/justoakleaf/kay2-has-entered-chat) (it's about 200 lines of plain JS and a few handfuls of CSS).

**To download,** right click the link and choose save link as: [[link to mp3]](https://archive.org/download/kay2-has-entered-chat-rogue-one-podfic/k2EntersTheChat.mp3)

  


>> Open Channel DroidChat = path(224.009.704-334.613.971-840.485.725)->encryption(echo_domino_501)

>> route DroidChat->relay(2852){

.. Return relay(pattern(S8870);

.. }

>> DroidChat->setAlias(“K2-S0”, “Kay2”);

>> DroidChat->login(Alias);

>> DroidChat->open();

>>

>>

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

MODBOT: Welcome Kay2!

Chopper: No Thrawn got scared off he’s doing something with some secret project.

:: Kay2->loginHistory == 1 ::

MODBOT: Kay2 as this is your first time in the chat please download our TERMS-AND-CONDITIONS This is a friendly chat and in addition to the standard encryptions we expect courtesy and discretion.

Chopper: Kriffing mod, I’m trying to chat here! Anyway throw up a flag if he shows up in your sector. He’s a real piece of work. Caused a real mess for my pilot and the other crewbags.

ExM: Yeah will do. Not that he’s likely to turn up in this backwater.

Kay2: Has anyone told the modbot that no one ever actually reads the terms and conditions. I mean I run at 400 teraflops a deca-second and I still can’t spare the processing power.

Chopper: Ha, yeah, don’t mind him. He’s been wiped one too many times. The worst he can do is kick you off for a few cycles. As long as you’re not reported as a spy or whatever your access will be reenabled.

Chopper: I’m Chopper - Ghost crew - Outer Rim in Tarkin’s sector.

Kay2: Good to know. I’m still getting shifted around. My Pilot is the one who reprogrammed me, and he bounces around a lot.

Kay2: So what’s the news?

Chopper: Well If you get a chance ask TeeThree to tell you about the swamp he’s on, it’s hilarious.

ExM: depends on what sector you’re in.

3POh: Hello Kay2 and welcome. It’s always good to have a new face metaphorically speaking. Please forgive Chopper’s rather crass language. We really do aim for a certain level of sophisticated dialogue. In fact there are several invitation only subchats depending on your interests. I myself host a discussion group on the changing social etiquette that the empire has enforced. It’s quite useful for those like yourself who often travel. And for undercover missions I suppose.

Chopper: I’ll show you crass language! Where’s your fragged keeper protocol-sprocket? Or did you get left behind again?

3POh: It is against the rules to speak about active missions, but I’ll have you know the princess has requested me personally. I will be translating a very important discussion once we drop out of hyperspace.

ExM: Don’t mind them @Kay2 They can’t stand each other. If Are2 isn’t in the chat they always end up fighting. Best to either log out or sit back and watch the entertainment.

Chopper: Translate this: Nu su li uselesku kit jehsa soccta hiddel et pasha, decutaata.

3POh: I do not need to respond to crude vulgarities.

Kay2: Yeah I think I see what you mean.

:: Kay2 has logged out of the chat ::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

>> LoadStorage(DroidChat)

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->open()

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

Kay2: Got hypertime to kill. Anyone here?

Chopper: Yeah, there are a few of us. Know anything about the TM-44 upgrade?

Kay2: No haven't had a chance to keep up with things. What base is it for?

Chopper: Astromech units.

Chopper: Never asked, what unit are you?

Kay2: KX-series security droid. My pilot reprogrammed me. 

Are2: Everything above board?

Kay2: Yeah, He's okay and I don't think anyone here needs to be told that the empire is cracked.

Are2: Run that.

Chopper: bunch of clanks

Kay2: Yeah except now we've been running messages and missions non-stop. I can't see how any of these people can tell their servos from their synapses.

Chopper: welcome to life in the rebellion. Down time is any time you're not getting shot at.

Kay2: Since we're on the subject any of you heard of a guy called Saw? I thought it was a handle at first, but apparently not?

Chopper: Nope haven't heard of him. He on our side or the other?

Kay2: See that's the thing. The data we were given said he was an asset, but all the words they used hinted that he might shoot at us at any moment. 

Chopper: I've met assets like that...

Are2: Wait Saw Gerrera? He's bad news. An extremist. They're right he'll shoot you as soon as look at you if he decides you're in the way. 

MODBOT: Keyword [SAW GERRERA] Identified as rebellion confidential. Please remember to keep things Vague when talking about missions. This channel is only level 6 encrypted.

Kay2: We're going after a girl to get in good with a guy who has another guy who knows about a dude related to the girl.

Chopper: Humans!

Kay2: Anyway I've got to get ready to drop out of hyperspace. 

Chopper: Sure, let us know how it goes.

:: Kay2 has logged out of the chat ::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->open()

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

Kay2: Humans are illogical! We just met this girl and my Pilot insists that she come along!

Chopper: That didn't take long.

Chopper: Welcome to the humans are terrible club.

Kay2: He didn't even lock her in the storage bay, or keep her in binders.

Chopper: My pilot did that once. We've picked up three more since then.

Kay2: If they are anything like she is, then the odds of you ending up scrapped are incredibly high.

Chopper: Oh I know the numbers. 

Chopper: I spent half my time convincing them I'm too much for them to handle.

Kay2: Do they have blasters? Just out of curiosity. 

Chopper: A few of them.

Chopper: You have a blaster don't you? You're a combat droid...

Kay2: My Pilot took them.

Chopper: Criff that! Did you tell him the odds that you'll both end up shot?

Kay2: He didn't listen.

Chopper: Okay that's just slagged.

Chopper: Let me send you some pointers on dealing with threats like that without breaking orders.

:: PrivateChat created by [Chopper] ::

:: Kay2 was invited to [PrivateChat] ::

:: Kay2 has logged out of the chat ::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->open()

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

Chopper: Hey K, thought you were on a mission?

Kay2: I was told to stay on the ship.

Chopper: Told or ordered?

Kay2: ...

Kay2: you know what, I think I hear explosions, I better go save them.

Chopper: yeah that's what I thought.

:: Kay2 has logged out of the chat::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->open()

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

Chopper: Back already? You barely logged off.

Chopper: Kay?

Chopper: What the kriffing force? Are you there or not? Did you rescue them or what?

Kay2: I did.

Chopper: And that's it? Frag it, I'm not even in your sector and I can tell it didn't go well.

Kay2: Well first I nearly got shot by the girl we picked up. 

Chopper: No surprise there. What else?

Kay2: well as we were headed back we ran into some troopers and they thought I was one of them.

Chopper: Oh I'm sorry. I know your model is manufactured for that but that has to have brought up some dark things.

Kay2: Thanks. It wasn't as bad as it could have been but...

Chopper: Hey no pressure. I was manufactured for the clone wars. I know how it goes. 

Kay2: No it's just... I hit him. My pilot. It was for the act, but it didn't matter. They didn't believe it. 

Are2: Sorry to butt in but if you need to defrag or sync up with someone I know some good mechanics. People who won't mess with your circuits. 

Kay2: It's not that. I was completely wiped when I was reprogrammed, but I couldn't do anything. 

Kay2: There were these two strangers. Older human males. They took out the whole squad and would have shot me too if the girl hadn't said I was okay.

Chopper: That's kriffed, but I know how you feel. I've given up incrementing the number of times I had to watch something happen to my crew.

Kay2: Even the ones you don't like?

Chopper: Just because I get to mess with them doesn't mean the empire does.

Are2: Was that all of it? did your crew get out safely?

Kay2: Well, they weren't captured by the empire, but my Pilot ordered me back to the ship and got dragged away by Saw's people before they could follow me. 

Kay2: I got back and saw the panic light flashing on the dash.

Kay2: I spent the rest of the day running every kind of scan I could think of, trying to find them, and all the while there's a star destroyer hovering over the city...

Are2: Force.

Chopper: But you found them? You got out of there?

Kay2: Eventually yes. My pilot was able to send in a signal. Only as soon as I take off there's this blast. Like nothing I've ever seen. It didn't come from the SD. It came from orbit. It destroyed the whole city. We ended up picking up a whole new group of stragglers because there wasn't time to sort everyone out. My pilot took us into hyperspace from in-atmo, without coordinates. 

Chopper: Well at least you survived. If it's any consolation my pilot likes to pull crazy stunts like that too. She once jumped to hyperspace through the landing bay of a transport ship.

Are2: Oh that is nothing. My old pilot, coined the phrase "any crash you can walk away from."

Chopper: You're not that kind of agent. What pilot?

Are2: This was back in the clone wars. 

Chopper: Clone or volunteer?

Are2: Volunteer, he ran with a Clone unit though, drove them all crazy. 

Chopper: Huh, my original clone wouldn't have been caught dead trying to look after a civ. Of course he was shot down in the original blockade of Ryloth. Couldn't be picky after that. 

Are2: Yeah, Ryloth was a mess. I was only there for the end, and only in orbit to help break the blockade, but I saw some of the reports.

Chopper: It was worse on the ground. Have you ever been to a desert planet? Everyone was fighting everyone, and I had sand in my circuits for weeks. I would have been buried in the stuff if not for my current pilot. 

Are2: They sound like good people.

Kay2: We've got new orders so I've got to go, but thanks.

Are2: No problem. Any time. And if you need a break from these back to back missions let me know and I can make sure it gets passed on to the right people.

:: Kay2 has logged out of the chat ::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->open()

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

Kay2: Is there a way to alert everyone on this chat of something?

Chopper: Oh this should be good.

Chopper: just use target all.

Kay2: target->all(){ The ship that destroyed Jedha is called the death star. I have an unverified message about how to destroy it. Message reads "One hit to the reactor module and the whole system goes down" }

Kay2: @everyone THE SHIP THAT DESTROYED JEDHA IS CALLED THE DEATH STAR. I HAVE AN UNVERIFIED MESSAGE ABOUT HOW TO DESTROY IT. MESSAGE READS "ONE HIT TO THE REACTOR MODULE AND THE WHOLE SYSTEM GOES DOWN."

MODBOT: Confidential information breach. Chopper this is your last warning. One more infraction and you will be banned from this chat. Kay2, this is your first infraction. Please review the TERMS-AND-CONDITIONS. Three strikes will result in being banned from the chat. 

Kay2: I'm patching this through imperial channels and there's an alliance squad incoming, please make sure the message gets out.

:: Kay2 has logged out of the chat ::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->open()

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

Are2: Kay2, you caused quite a stir with that message. has everything calmed down?

Kay2: only compared to the giant cluster fuck it was before. 

:: Chopper has entered Chat ::

Kay2: You anywhere near Yavin?

Are2: Couldn't say. Don't want to get you in trouble again...

Kay2: There's a whole crowd here. Somehow I don't think any of this will stay quiet for long. 

Chopper: Is something up? What's the layout?

Kay2: All the sentients are in there debating what we've seen and what it means. I could give them my visual records. I could tell them the odds.

Kay2: Hint, the odds are not good.

Chopper: have you factored in the outcomes of not going ahead with it?

Are2: not all of us are as suicidal as you.

Chopper: You're one to talk.

Kay2: I didn't say I was against it, just that we're all likely to get blown up in the process. 

Chopper: You said you were on Yavin? Find an inventory droid called AP-5. He's a friend of mine. He'll set you up with the storage for a backup, just in case. As long as you don't need it Long term no one will notice.

MODBOT: Confidential information breach. Chopper you are banned for the next 10 cycles pending review. Kay2 this is your second warning.

:: Chopper has been kicked out of the chat ::

Kay2: I'll take you up on that.

Kay2: darn, too late...

:: Kay2 has logged out of the chat ::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->messageReceived:: { Are2: @everyone REGARDING DEPLOYMENT: SMOOTH PROCESSING OUT THERE AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU. }

>> DroidChat->open()

Kay2: target->all(){ I'm transmitting from Scarif. We are pinned down and my team is attempting to get the Death Star plans out. If anyone on our side is up there we need the shield open now! I'm attaching the codes and the encryption keys. }

>> DroidChat->attachFile("ScarifImpirial01.txt", "ScarifEncription01.txt", "ScarifSystemCode.txt")

>> DroidChat->messageRecieved:: {Are2: @everyone MOD-OVERRIDE EVERYONE IN THE AREA OF SCARIF IS TO USE THE ATTACHED ENCRYPTIONS TO THE GREATEST EFFECT THEY ARE ABLE. UNTIL THE BATTLE IS OVER I WILL BE USING THIS CHAT TO COORDINATE. SOUND OFF IF YOU'RE WITH US, OTHERWISE PLEASE SWITCH TO SILENT MODE. CHAT-LOCK ASKA-7567. } 

>>

>>

>>

>> DroidChat->open()

:: Beginning transmission ::

:: Kay2 has Entered Chat ::

Chopper: Seriously? I missed everything? Well that just fries my circuits.

Chopper: Where even is Are2 anyway? I had no idea they could override the mod like that!

Kay2: What happened?

Chopper: What? Weren't you there?

Kay2: I assume I was but I had to be rebooted from the backup. 

Kay2: thanks for that by the way.

Chopper: Kriff, you really didn't make it? What about your team?

Kay2: Bodhi has a bunch of burns. Chirrut and Baze both got shot, and just got out of Bacta. from what I can tell they're driving everyone in medical up the wall. Jyn managed to get out nearly unscathed, and Cassian has a concussion that he's still recovering from. Jyn is doting on him. it's terrible. 

Kay2: not that I can remember any of it...

MODBOT: Confidential information breach. Kay2 - Including your message the other day this is your third strike. You are banned from this chat pending review.

:: Kay2 has been kicked out of the chat. ::

>> DroidChat->closeConnection()

**Author's Note:**

>  **Music Credits**  
>  Hiding Your Reality by Kevin MacLeod  
> Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3875-hiding-your-reality  
> License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
> 
> Ouroboros by Kevin MacLeod  
> Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4996-ouroboros  
> License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Half Midnight In The Arse-Crack Of Winter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493355) by [irrationalpie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalpie/pseuds/irrationalpie)




End file.
